Marcus bolted upright in his bed, suddenly awakened by the lustful cry of a hungry infant. “I’m coming Jay-Bug. Let me get your bottle from the fridge.” The barely teenaged boy mumbled to himself as he rubbed his eyes and slid out from beneath his thin bedding.
It was a short walk from his dingy bedroom to the tiny kitchen in the brownstone row-house he’s always called home. Grabbing the bottle of formula he’d prepared the night before, he quickly headed back down the hallway towards his parents’ room where the infant’s crib sat. Upon opening the door, the sliver of new morning light lit the room enough that he could see his seven-month-old baby sister sitting in the middle of her well-worn crib.
She stopped crying and began to smile as soon as he reached for her tiny body. “Good morning, Jay-bug. Let’s get you fed and changed.” Scooping her up, he took her to the living room to change her diaper and onesie. “Last diaper, Jaydah. Looks like I will have to stop at the store on the way home from school today. Until then, extra powder and don’t poop.” As if giving a response, she gurgled and smiled around the nipple of the bottle as she drank. He methodically wiped her down with baby wipes then massaged lotion into her soft chocolate colored skin. “No ashy for Miss Sassy, right??” He giggled softly when she laughed and kicked as he tickled her toes. Placing her in a fresh onesie and pair of socks, she was ready for the day.
He carefully placed her in the pack-n-play amongst her blanket and stuffed bear so she could finish her breakfast and then headed back to his room to get dressed. Slowly and quietly opening the door to the room he shared with his older brother, he made sure to be quiet so Malcolm could sleep a little longer. Since his seventeen-year-old brother started his job cleaning local office buildings, home life had gotten better financially. But the strenuous work paired with basketball practices and games left Malcolm sore, tired, and in a foul mood.
Marcus quickly dressed in a plain tee shirt and khaki shorts, perfect for the warm spring weather. He grabbed his socks; donned his high-top sneakers and his backpack then went back in the living room to check on Jaydah. After tying his shoes and noticing she was finished with her bottle, he rinsed the bottle and placed it in the sink.
Having grabbed two small boxes of cereal and a banana from school yesterday during breakfast, he retrieved it now from his backpack and began to make his little brother and sister breakfast. He placed a box worth of cereal in each of the small plastic bowls and split the banana slices between them. Adding a splash of milk and a spoon, he placed the bowls at the table then headed back down the hallway to wake them up.
He slowly opened the door next to his bedroom and peeked inside at the two little bodies sharing a twin mattress laid on the floor. “Allie and Natey, time to wake up. I have cereal ready. I got the honey nut ones you like this time.” He looked over his shoulder while pulling clean clothes from the small dresser across from the mattress. “Allie, help Natey into his clothes then both of you come out to the table and eat.” The six-year-old girl nodded as she rubbed her eyes.
Hurrying back to the kitchen, Marcus prepped three bottles of formula for Jaydah and placed them on the bottom shelf of the fridge. Next to the bottles he placed two pouches of apple juice, a granola bar, and package of peanut butter crackers from his backpack.
Just then three-year-old Natey toddled in the kitchen and began the strenuous climb onto the wobbly kitchen chair. “Good morning, Natey. Eat up all your cereal and banana. And don’t forget to drink all the milk. There’s two juices and snacks in the fridge for you. If Jaydah is hungry, give her one of her bottles, okay?” The toddler smiled and nodded as he continued shoveling the cereal into his mouth. He kissed the top of the boy’s head then headed back the hallway once again.
He stopped in front of his bedroom door and listened for movement. Not hearing anything, he opened the door. “Malcolm, time to get up. Everyone is good to go as long as you walk Allie to school on your way.”
Malcolm sat up and looked around confused. “Bro, what time is it?? Why didn’t you wake me earlier? I would have helped.” He bolted from the bed and grabbed the clothes closest to him.
“Nah. It’s all good. I’m heading out. Have a good day at school and work.” Marcus shut the door and turned around to see Allie leaving the bathroom. “Did you brush?” He asked her and she nodded. “With toothpaste?” She nodded and giggled. “Come here and let me smell that breath, girl.” He grabbed at her, but she squealed and ran toward the kitchen table and her breakfast.
He looked back at his parents’ bedroom door. It’s been so long since he even glanced at the bed in the morning, that he couldn’t remember when he’d stopped checking. Hoping they’d be laying there but knowing that most likely they would not. It’s just better not to know. It’s easier to leave with the hope that they might be laying in there just sleeping like two normal and responsible adults. Not strung out on drugs, passed out from alcohol or getting busy making more babies they can’t afford, and he’d have to raise.
He stopped one last time as he turned to close the front door behind him and took in the view of his worn yet clean home. Jaydah gurgled as she chewed on her fingers, wearing the only diaper left in the house. Natey and Allie enjoying a breakfast he’d swiped from his school cafeteria. Malcolm zombie walking from the bedroom to the bathroom, exhausted from all the family’s responsibilities left to him because he is the oldest.
“Natey, don’t forget about your snacks and Jaydah’s bottle, okay? You got this, bro.” He waved to his little family and slowly closed the door, feeling more than just the weight of his backpack on his young shoulders. It’s just easier to leave with hope. It’s just better not to know.
