I recall awakening in a dark, quiet place.  I was confused... I was certain I was about to die.  It appeared that even in death, I could not sleep! And then I sensed the rage.  And the hunger... the ravenous hunger.  I felt the desire to seek out living flesh and devour it.  But at the same time, I realized it wasn't really me feeling these things. I was there... inside this raging, ravenous mind, but these were not really my thoughts. I felt them... I shared them... but they were not mine.

As the true owner of these sensations began to push and dig and claw upward through the dirt that enveloped it, I realized I was an observer, but an observer from within the beast. My mind was trapped deep within the raging mad creature, powerless to direct it or help myself. I recall wondering, 'was it my mind, or was it my very soul that was trapped so?'

After many minutes of clawing, my host broke free of the grave - for it was most certainly a grave - that had enveloped it. Looking around, I realized we were behind the Inn - some distance beyond the cabins, and near a few small plowed and planted fields that no doubt serviced the Inn's kitchen.  Sniffing the air, we launched ourselves toward a small home located among the fields. We approached the house rapidly and thrust ourselves at the door, attempting to break it down and get at the fresh, live meat within. We could smell it, and the odor enhanced the hatred and rage. We hated it, but we needed to feed on it.  We pounded at the door repeatedly, urged on by the cries and sobs of whomever it was on the other side of the portal.

But before we could get through the stout wooden door, another odor reached us - more fresh meat!  Turning, we saw several living beings not protected by walls and doors... a fresh meal out in the open for us to feast on.  I recall noticing the moonlight glinting off the sharp blades held by these beings. I immediately understood the import of those blades, but the raging creature that was in control either did not see them, or did not care.  We approached this new prey, and I sensed the creature that was my host and jailer trying to choose which to feast upon first.

The axe blade cut deep into the bloodless flesh of the creature that I had become.  Once... twice... With the third strike, I watched my headless body remain standing... twitching for a moment as my head struck the ground and rolled. My still open eyes saw my body finally crumple and lie still.

I felt the hunger within me fading. The rage against anything that lived was receding. It seemed as if I was finally being released from the tiny prison in which my mind was trapped... my body would be my own once more, if only for another moment before death took me... again. But I felt a peace begin to overtake me, such as I had never known before.

I had dreams of creating a useful servant, but I now know that even if I had succeeded, I would have merely created a prison for a mind.  The spark that was me... my mind... my soul... was helpless as this creature sniffed and hunted for living flesh. The remnant of my mind could do nothing to quell the hatred that raged as it tried  to tear down the door. I felt nothing but terror and revulsion as I sensed its anticipation of ripping into living flesh and consuming it. Even if I had created  a docile servant, I realized it would have been nothing more than an eternal hell for the mind and soul of the being whose body it was trapped within.

It is better that I failed, and I am grateful to the axe that freed me from my prison.  My instructors at the university had been right all along.  Now, finally, I am at peace... no longer driven by my dreams... no longer driven by anything.

Now... finally... I can sleep.