Deprived and Damned

infirmary / ɪnˈfɝməɹi / (n) 1: a place where the sick or injured are cared for 2: where everyone is in pain, tending to the pained, or shouldering other’s pain

Sound returned before sight. Muffled words and phrases jostled Shikya’s mind out of what she assumed was a fugue state. She might have understood them had her head not pounded with the force of a geomancer hurling marble pillars with unbridled contempt. The simultaneously sharp and dull throb pierced through and eviscerated coherent thought. The feeling was as unique as it was painful. Shit… Anything, anything to make this stop. I’d even summon another succubus. A crimson one this time, for the contrast.

As with most any elven fledgling, she had fallen harshly out of trees before. There was even a time she accidentally stepped into a fire and crisped her foot, which easily eclipsed the pain of a broken bone. Pain is a part of everyone’s life, from the strongest warrior to the least stalwart and everyone in between. But this was pure agony, as though Shikya’s soul was actively being torn apart and forced through a sieve. I promise I’ll never do it again! I dunno what it was, but I won’t! Please stop it… Gods, do something…

Fortunately, it rapidly and precipitously lessened from its height as Shikya’s consciousness reasserted itself. The thundering pain receded to a mere cacophony. Still present, but bearable. Oh, merciful gods! Never thought I would be thankful for suffering. So much better than torture. I wonder where torment falls on the spectrum. She mused too soon and nearly passed out once more from relief but fought to maintain awareness.

A familiar soft, warm sensation enveloped her from the waist down. Beneath her, silken fabric soothed her aching back while a cool pillow cushioned her head. A bed, and the Grand’s from the feel. But where? The infirmary…? Her eyelids remained stubbornly shut despite commands otherwise. Shikya’s hearing cleared marginally as her senses began to revive in full. The quality pulsed in and out with her heartbeat.

“…never known her to do…” The murmured words dissolved and fell away. Ella?

“…in the library? She just…” Sheyla? Might as well say hello… at least as much of a hello as I can manage.

Shikya gathered all her strength of will to pull herself up, only to find an unpleasant, cold weight on her chest and unresponsive muscle. Where did that come from? What is it? What a weird sensation. The weight wasn’t particularly heavy, but right now she would struggle to lift her own spellbook. There was something else about the object, as though its coolness reached into her and wrapped itself around her organs.

“Did you hear that?”

Shikya must’ve audibly winced at the effort. Did I make a sound? I can’t remember, and I don’t care either way. Just get over here and help! Or… or whatever you’re supposed to when your friend is lying on their deathbed. Wait, am I dying…? The soft clack of several pairs of boots on stone neared her and a louder set moved quickly from afar.

“Do you think she’s awake?” Alec.

“Maybe. Though if I were her, I’d probably sleep for a week,” Ella snarked.

“Step back a moment, please.” Another voice, tickling at Shikya’s memory. The Master healer. Thankfully, it’s not some overzealous first-year about to disfigure me with ill-advised attempts at healing. ‘Oh, no, not at all a problem to take care of the wound. Would you also like a permanent scar in the shape of an ass?’ She smiled internally at her inner wit, glad that it remained despite its unfortunately frequent barbs.

What was his name? Gerald Florist? No, that doesn’t so- Ah, FUCK! He pulled one of her eyes open, shining the light of a thousand suns into it with reckless abandon. Shikya involuntarily groaned in anguish as she snapped her eye shut, ecstatic he didn’t force the issue. Still, the proverbial hammer smashing the back of her eyeball didn’t compare to earlier pain.

“Thank the gods!” Exclamations of relief bounced between the three voices before the healer shushed them. The thing on Shikya’s chest changed slightly, shifted or jostled by him. Whatever it was, it stubbornly sat on her skin, cool and mysterious. She felt pokes, prods, and arguably jabs at several of her mana vectors, presumably from the Master assessing her internal energies. They must be in knots, and I don’t care to unwind them. Let that be his problem.

“She’s recovering well enough… but still quite weak. Severe mana deprivation lasts some time, even with aid.”

Finally, Shikya urged her eyes open to the face of Gerard Enalnmaesalyol Korist, creation magic specialist and healer extraordinaire. Or he described himself as such. I might challenge the ‘extraordinaire’ part given his gruffness. Behind him and his furrowed brow were Sheyla, Alec, and Ella. It surprised her to see Alec Eneltvalcol Brenthal, class exemplar, first citizen, and exceptionally gifted cryomancer watching her with care, but nonetheless grateful to find him, Sheyla, fellow elven summoner, and Ella, friend and clever illusionist. I wonder where Alvix is. Rare for the four of us to be in one place without him. At least in better circumstances.

Glancing down, a glowing rock with a rune carved into it pulsed with power, dispersing into Shikya’s torso. Mana stone. Yeah, that makes sense. Her hazy, fragmented memory remembered banishing Velzix in a satisfying manner, but naught else after. As the unnatural pain from mana deprivation faded entirely, Shikya regained some energy and joined the conversation with eloquence and grace.

“Ow… Shit hurts.”

As the second-most snide of the group, Ella Elelnasalcol Malric softly chided with a smirk, “Well, somebody decided it’d be a good idea to gamble a few years of their life in the middle of the damn library. You’re lucky you didn’t set the place on fire!”

Gerard continued to perform his arcane ministrations, leaving the fledglings to themselves. At least as much as it was possible within a couple of yards of each other. Shikya heard the scraping of wood as Sheyla moved to the bedside and dropped to sit on a stool or chair below her vision. She gripped Shikya’s hand and had tears in her eyes. “Thank the gods you’re alive… I couldn’t imagine life…” Sheyla sniffled briefly, smiling at her. “Besides, the Old Man would never forgive me if I let you…”

While Sheyla continued haltingly in this vein, Alec retrieved two additional chairs from the far wall. As they joined Shikya’s side, she noted both Sheyla and Ella looked as tired as she felt. They look like they haven’t slept in days. Puzzled, she started to ask, but Alec, astute as ever, interjected by tapping the stone.

“They keep a couple mana stones in the infirmary stores for times like this, but you, well… let’s say they needed some extra help from a few volunteers.” He winked, sat down, and gestured with his head toward the two beside him. “Sheyla and Ella, and Alvix, for that matter, scarcely left you alone.”

The circles under their eyes said much and Ella slumped back. “You know, I wondered in class why the military doesn’t use them at the warfront. The theory seemed as though you could supply siege wizards with endless mana. By gods… these rocks are as inefficient as they are voracious. Without Gerard, we might’ve dra-”

“Gerard Yol,” the healer corrected on reflex, pointedly lending his presence. His eyes related his realization that it was an inappropriate time to worry over formality. Nonetheless, he chose to keep his own counsel and reasserted his stony, detached demeanor.

Ella’s speech stumbled at the interruption. “Ah, er, uh… yes. Without Gerard Yol, we might’ve drained ourselves too, without realizing it.”

As the initial jubilation passed, Sheyla was the one to voice the critical question with concern but also an edge of suspicion. “So… what in the gods-damned world happened?! Did it have something to do with your summoning that night?”

Shikya searched for a response as her eyes narrowed in confusion. “That night?” How long has it been? Guess they haven’t slept in days.

With a sigh, Sheyla poked her in the forehead, somewhat more forcefully than expected. “You were out all of yesterday and the day before. On the brink of death, I might add.”

The shock on Shikya’s face apparent, Gerard cleared his throat politely. “Not the brink of death…” He turned to face Shikya as he completed his examination. “However, you risked a prolonged coma and permanent damage to your mana vectors. Wizards who habitually draw themselves gaunt are much more susceptible to vector pox. Your friend is right: don’t do it again.” He sighed and stared at Shikya, as though scolding a fledgling. Well, he’s not wrong. I deserve to be scolded. “Now, what happened?”

Had Shikya been in better condition, her body would have drained the blood from her face. Instead, it remained as bereft as before. Damnit. What do I tell them? Velzix isn’t here to stop me, so… A little smirk sneaked onto her face at the thought of revealing the succubus’s trickery.

She opened her mouth to detail the absurdity, but closed it, her smirk replaced with a frown. “I will kill your friends. I do not want to, but I will if I have to.” “No other warlocks at the Academy will summon demons? Maybe I will sneak into their summoning and resolve a newly found grudge.”

Thoughts whirred within Shikya as she scrambled to balance the desire to protect her friends and the fervent hope they could help. Her consternation must have been evident because Gerard broke the silence with a dejected sigh.

“Can’t remember, huh? Not surprising. Between the mana deprivation and blow to the head, it should surprise me you’re awake at all. In that case, perhaps your classmates can lend some partial assistance…” Shikya reached up to her head and found a sensitive lump on its back. I suppose I fell on it after I banished Velzix. She turned to them, unsure what to expect, though it wasn’t an explanation from Alec.

“Sheyla asked me to find out what exactly happened because, honestly, no one has any idea.” Alec the investigator. Wouldn’t have expected that. He settled into a comfortable posture; leaning forward, arms on knees, hands clasped. “First, the Masters set to guard the summoning chamber said you entered half-an-hour before midnight and emerged just after half-past. Does that sound familiar at all?”

Still unsure what response would be best, Shikya opted for the truth. It’s the easiest to remember, after all. And I can’t lie for shit. She nodded warily and replied, “Yeah… I managed to summon a demon… and forged a contract.” Sheyla cocked an eyebrow but stayed silent. Damn. She knows that’s too long a time for a normal summoning. Of course, she does…

Alec nodded in return. “Yes, with a winged imp named ‘Vel.’ The guards didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, at least not that would contribute to a catastrophe in the library. Medias, who is completely beside himself as you might imagine, thought you…” Alec paused before continuing, as though trying to frame the words. Or finding the most tactful way to put an insult, more like. I know how I was. “… In his words: ‘in a state of discombobulation in which only Shikya could find herself,’ although he said you were in control, demon and all, when you left. Do you remember talking with Medias?”

Gaining a little more strength, Shikya tried to use her arms to push herself up to a higher position, prompting Sheyla, Ella, and Gerard to their feet. The three of them disagreed whether to help her up or ease her down, ending with Shikya a little worse for wear, off-kilter, and still lying down. Gerard motioned to another passing healer and whispered something to them as they passed. Well, I guess I’ll just continue to lie here. In more ways than one, most likely. Shikya huffed an assent. “I remember. Signed the Registry documentation too.”

Alec exhaled as though entering an uncomfortable segment, which he was, and continued in his methodical manner, “The rest is less clear. The late-night librarian explained, with more fervor than I believed necessary, that you arrived between one and two o’clock with a… ‘uniquely distasteful, obnoxious, and lewd demon in tow that made a mockery of this institution with obscenities and vileness I steadfastly refuse to repeat.’ Alec shrugged and mouthed ‘I don’t know,’ indicating he was merely repeating what he heard.

“Regardless, you were doing research on any and all things summoning before they ushered you and your ‘loathsome, decrepit, flying cesspit,’ as they so colorfully put it, into a side room to isolate the… disruption. I’ll not go into the details, but, based on other stories from the library, let it be said that they were right to do so. Everything matching so far?”

The other healer returned with a plate of chit-bread and Shikya eyed it with a deep hunger. Chitin bread contained considerably more mana in its pasty, coarse grains than any other food. Aemark made the bread from the desiccated and ground seeds of the carnivorous chitin wheat after it gorges itself on mana locusts. It was essential to the Academy, which day-after-day would exhaust the reserves of students via magical practice and training. The feast consumed Shikya’s focus and her mouth watered while she inadvertently ignored Alec. She once again tried to sit up and, this time, all agreed it was worth the effort.

Gerard tapped the mana stone, deactivating it, and set it aside as Sheyla and Ella shifted sheets and pillows for her. After sitting up, Ella kindly adjusted and tightened her half-open shirt to a more modest position, something Shikya gave no thought to as she snatched and devoured the chit-bread in rancor. Oh, my gods… I’ll never say anything about the taste again! This is perfection. Gritty gold. Masterfully masticated mushy mana.

With a heaving growl of satisfaction, Shikya turned back to Alec. “Yeah, I remember that… but not much else,” she lied. Her guts recoiled and contracted, but not from the chit-bread. Lying feels so wrong. Her guilt wrapped around her brain, and she knew it would fester.

“Beyond that point, no one knows. Given the condition of the library and that Vel is missing, we surmised you banished Vel. With force. Excessive force. Medias believes you vastly overestimated the mana you needed and drew from your own life essence.” There was a grave look on his face.

Wow. I guess I left a bit of a mess… Though Velzix certainly needed more force than a common imp. Regardless, I need more time. If they think anything is off, it’s part of the recovery, right? I have to figure out what to do. I have to analyze. Research. That’s all. I can find a way out of this. We’ll even laugh about it after I deal with Velzix.

“Why were you there?” Sheyla asked. Her miniature plan shattered. Shit. What do I say?! Fuck! Shikya screwed her face up in concentration she hoped would fool them for a moment. It would have to be something to do with contracts. Nothing about succubi or fringe theories. Damnit! Why can’t I be cunning?! How do people lie?! How does Velzix do it?!

The thought of Velzix spawned an idea.

“I… spent longer than expected in the summoning chamber. Vel was… belligerent, to put it mildly. I added stipulations to the contract to curtail her behavior… and it wasn’t an easy negotiation…” Not a bad start, Shikya. You might get good at this lying thing. You know… because you’ll be doing it for a long time. She winced and the guilt monster grew.

“Really? You’re certain you phrased those limits correctly?” Sheyla looked concerned.

Shikya flushed but saw an opportunity. “No, I’m not… at least not after talking with Medias. She went far beyond what she should have been able to an-and I wanted to-to fix it. I couldn’t control her…” Tears, real tears, formed at the edge of her eyes. “There might’ve been something wrong with the contract! I couldn’t… Wha-what if she could attack someone?! If-if she hurt you or Ella or-or… I-I… I fucked everything up… Why’d I have to be a warlock…”

Well, there’s truth there… and it hurts. Why can’t I do anything right? The tears fell freely, leaving trails of salty grief on her cheeks. Miserable excuse for a wizard… Disappointment to the Conc-…

Warm arms embraced her. Sheyla hugged her close and whispered in a half-broken voice. “Do you remember what the Old Man said when we left for the Grand? ‘The dark holds many things deep and dangerous. Terrors and demons. Our pale light may not compare to the towering gloom and the black abyss, but no one walks alone. From the smallest mouse to the fiercest wolf to even the shining stars, we travel together. Remember, always: twice pale light shines thrice as bright.’ Add our light to yours, Shiki. Let us help.”

Shikya buried her face in her friend and sobbed with open love and secret shame. I don’t deserve them, less now than ever.